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You are here: Home / Parenting / The Crappest Mum Ever!!

The Crappest Mum Ever!!

July 22, 2018 by Awilla 24 Comments

Hands up if you have ever felt like the shittest mother ever.

Like you are doing your kids a disservice just because they have been unlucky enough to land you as their mum.

As you all know, I have four kids, 2 sets of twins aged 3 & 8. My sole purpose in life as a SAHM besides cleaning, washing, dusting, cooking etc is making sure that I fill up the emotional cups of all my kids & keep them as full as possible.

The Crappest Mum Ever. I’m Mummy to 4 kids.

As a sufferer of anxiety, I have the tendency to overthink every situation & catastrophise everything in my head.

I have visions of angry teenagers hating me because I haven’t paid them enough attention or becoming drug addicts because they feel they didn’t get enough love from me.

Especially with the older two because I have had to focus a lot of my attention on the younger twins. Especially when they were babies. 

Anyone who knows me would know I am quite affectionate with my kids & they are all quite clingy. I always have kids sitting on me, holding my hands, following me to the toilet, shower etc.

I try to have some alone time with each child weekly & take both of the older two to their weekly activities just myself & them.

When you have twins it easy to fall into the pattern of thinking that their needs are the same but they are individuals, just the same as siblings of different ages.

My older set of twins are like chalk & cheese & fight like cat & dog. Their needs are definitely very different.

The Crappest Mum Ever. My Oldest Twins Are Like Chalk & Cheess

One twin is very needy & requires lots of attention, affection, hugs etc but given that there are 3 other kids in the family, it isn’t always possible to meet these needs.

My 3 year olds are not yet toilet trained so there are nappies to be changed, they still need to be dressed & supervised in the bath along with the long list of wants & demands that seem to accompany 3 year olds, (oh & have I mentioned that even after weeks and weeks on end of sleep training, they still want to sleep with us every night & I spend a lot of time walking them back to bed & then myself back to my bed. I am seriously thinking of buying a king size bed just to have a full night’s sleep).

As these needs are not met of the older twin, the behaviour of this child starts to go downhill, swearing, teasing of siblings, disobedience & just outright behaving like a little shit & upsetting everyone.

This behaviour makes me angry & the last thing I then feel like doing is showing this child all the affection that is requested and required but it then becomes a vicious cycle because as I pull back the behaviour gets worse.

It almost feels counter intuitive to be offering cuddles to a child who has just upset the whole household & has all siblings in tears & mummy trying her absolute hardest to keep her temper in check.

The Crappest Mum Ever. One of my kids very angry.

If I’m completely honest, sometimes I just feel like telling everyone to f**k off & driving off into the sunset, with my music blaring whilst singing at the top of my lungs. There is something therapeutic about having a boogie & belting out a tune at the top of your lungs.

Many a driver on the Hume Hwy has given me a strange look as I drive down the freeway listening to my feel good song 24K Magic by Bruno Mars, how can you be upset with such a good song blaring??.

Anyway, we had an incident in our house this week involving this child that had me questioning my parenting skills & feeling like the worst mother ever. Like I had created the situation due to my lack of parenting skills & let me tell you I felt like absolute shit & the world’s crappest Mum.

Disciplining children doesn’t come naturally to me so I tend to be a bit soft & my kids know it & one in particular takes advantage of the situation.

In saying that though, I receive nothing but glowing reports about this child from people outside of the family. The school principal, school teacher, sports coach & friends parents are always telling me what exceptional manners are displayed & politeness (I am a manners nazi) which makes me very proud because I know the behaviour outside of our home is great but what am I doing wrong at home??.

In saying that though, all the members of our extended family have witnessed the same appalling behaviour, not just my husband & I.

I have studied The Circle of Security & I know that when kids are tired, overwhelmed, confused etc they hand these emotions to their parents & want them to help to them to organise these emotions & comfort them & make them feel safe, secure & loved.

It breaks my heart that one of my kids may be feeling as though they are not loved or valued.

I would give my life for my kids, no questions asked. I was at such a loss that I rang a helpline called Parent-line & explained my situation to the person on the phone. It was good to speak to someone objective & she also thought that grief could also be involved in the bad behaviour, she also offered some advice on how to deal with the tantrums & the bad behaviour but it didn’t really sit right with me & my own personal beliefs.

The Crappest Mum Ever. Grief could be playing a hand in the misbehaviour.

All four of my kids were so close to my mum however only the older two are old enough to understand the situation & the permanence of it.

It hasn’t even been a year yet since my mum passed & we are all hurting. My husband was also close to my mum.

He lost his own beautiful mother 13 years ago & thought of my mum as a substitute mum so as you can imagine her absence has affected us all greatly.

I don’t doubt that the child in question is hurting over the loss of their beloved nanny. I also spoke to another family member who told me in the nicest way possible that this child gets away with way too much & needs a foot up the arse (figuratively not literally) & to be punished. I tended to agree, as opposed to some other advice I had received.

I was really at a loss as to how I should handle the situation hence my asking advice from different parties.

We decided that we would ground for a week & take away other privileges such as the iPad, scooter etc & sat down & had a very detailed chat about what behaviour would not be acceptable in our house & if it continued we would continue to remove privileges.

The Crappest Mum Ever. Pin Me!!

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Filed Under: Parenting

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Comments

  1. Susan says

    July 22, 2018 at 12:14 pm

    Omg that’s so full on. But geez, look at me. A teacher and I still have a shithead child of my own and am failing at behaviour management!!!

    Reply
    • michellesillery says

      July 22, 2018 at 12:48 pm

      Some people are really good with discipline but I’m just crap!!. I’m pretty sure you have a fair idea of which child is causing me grief 🙂

      Reply
  2. Dana says

    July 23, 2018 at 11:57 pm

    ??‍♀️??‍♀️??‍♀️ Seriously felt like the worsttt mom today. I realized that my son never got his 4 year checkup or shots two months ago… and they’re due to the school next week ??‍♀️??‍♀️??‍♀️

    Reply
    • michellesillery says

      July 24, 2018 at 4:14 am

      That’s easy enough to forget :). Can you get them done in the next week?

      Reply
  3. Sam says

    July 24, 2018 at 1:20 am

    Sam at Thiswaymommy.com
    Good for you for setting some clear boundaries, hopefully the great behaviour continues.

    Reply
    • michellesillery says

      July 24, 2018 at 4:14 am

      Thank you. Fingers x

      Reply
  4. Natalie says

    July 24, 2018 at 2:56 am

    You have every right to feel that way. I think we all have that moment as a mom at some point in our parenting especially if you have more than one. My youngest has some special needs and it takes up a lot of time and I feel awful…so I get it.

    Reply
    • michellesillery says

      July 24, 2018 at 4:15 am

      Thank you for the encouragement. You really do need it sometimes. I’m sure you’re doing a great job xx

      Reply
  5. Sarah says

    July 24, 2018 at 3:42 am

    Being a mom is all trial
    And error. I hope my boys turn out to be decent human beings but they don’t make it easy.

    Reply
    • michellesillery says

      July 24, 2018 at 4:17 am

      I’m hearing you. I find my son to be more work than my 3 girls put together. Every child is different though but it’s an ongoing challenge

      Reply
  6. amira says

    September 17, 2018 at 10:01 pm

    Administering discipline is not easy because you want your child to love you and not take it the wrong way. I raised my niece and I was such a softie with her! Could never discipline her. But you handled the situation really well afterward. Glad to know the child is behaving now!

    Xo,
    Amira at ASelfGuru.com

    Reply
    • michellesillery says

      September 18, 2018 at 11:28 am

      I’m not very good with discipline & each child has different needs, especially one of mine!!

      Reply
  7. Madiha says

    September 18, 2018 at 3:34 am

    I have so much respect for you by knowing you are raising two set of twins. For me it’s hard to comprehend ever how hard it would be for you. I have two one is 2.5 and one is almost a year. My head spins all day and night.
    You are doing great. ??

    Reply
    • michellesillery says

      September 18, 2018 at 11:27 am

      Thank you Madiha :). I’m sure in years to come I’m going to look back & think how did I do it??!

      Reply
  8. Ye Chen says

    September 18, 2018 at 8:26 am

    It’s just as Sarah mentioned, what works for one kid doesn’t to work for another. Sometimes, we need to have a more strict method. And you’re doing great! I used to babysit for 3 girls and 1 boy and they all have their own manual. It took me forever to find out what worked for who haha

    Reply
    • michellesillery says

      September 18, 2018 at 11:26 am

      It’s definitely a challenge catering to each child’s needs. I’m constantly questioning myself!!

      Reply
  9. Candice Milner says

    September 18, 2018 at 11:00 am

    I know those feelings very well. I’ve been there so many times. You just wish you could split yourself into pieces so you can be what everyone needs at the same time. And what makes it worse is seeing how well behaved everyone elses kids are and you question what you’re doing wrong.

    Reply
    • michellesillery says

      September 18, 2018 at 11:25 am

      That’s so true Candice, I’m always questioning myself & wondering whether I am damaging my kids & being a bad mum.

      Reply
  10. Nina says

    September 18, 2018 at 12:58 pm

    Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and as they say “it takes a village” to raise a child. It sounds like you’re a great mom and I love that you lean on your “village” for perspective when things get out of control because that’s all any loving parent can do.

    Reply
    • michellesillery says

      September 18, 2018 at 1:00 pm

      Couldn’t agree with you more. It really does take a village!!

      Reply
  11. Jane says

    September 18, 2018 at 11:57 pm

    Great a post detailing the challenges of motherhood. I am right there with you when it comes to walking the line between disciplining and cuddling. And how amazing to have two sets of twins. Are they identical? I am sure you are doing a great job of it. You sound like a great mother.

    Reply
    • michellesillery says

      September 19, 2018 at 11:27 pm

      Hi Jane, it’s so hard being a mum. I’m always questioning myself & worrying if I’m doing the right thing. Both sets of twins are fraternal (two separate eggs)
      Thanks for reading xx

      Reply
  12. Anna McConnell says

    September 21, 2018 at 10:44 am

    Parenting is truly the hardest job in the world, especially one that has challenges (my son) and it has brought me to the brink of tears and feeling as if I were a failure as a parent several times. Twenty years later, I still feel that way at times and now my son tells me, “Mom you did a great job and you shouldn’t feel guilty about anything.” Words I thought I would NEVER hear!!

    Reply
    • michellesillery says

      September 21, 2018 at 10:56 am

      That must be the most amazing thing to hear from your son!. Knowing you, I’m sure you would have been a great mum. Someone once told me the fact that I doubt myself & question myself is proof of being a good mum because I care about doing a good job.
      I hope my kids tell me I’ve done an amazing job when they’re grown up, that’s the ultimate compliment 🙂

      Reply

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Meet Awilla

Hey there,
I'm the Perfectly Imperfect Mommy. I have three beautiful kids, thats the only perfect thing about me. A set of fraternal twins and a 7 years old girl. Marry for 11 years to a wonderful man. I love helping people and this is why I am here... Read More…

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