The lead up to my first Mother’s Day without my mum has been a surreal experience.
My Mum and I used to love giving each other beautifully and meaningful cards & I would take a lot of time picking out a card that I knew would resonate with her and display my love & gratitude.
I have found myself looking at all these beautiful cards on the stands in the supermarket knowing I will never need to purchase another Mother’s Day Card again.
It’s another bump in the road on this path of grief I am walking. I actually thought about buying my mum a card & writing on it, I have read that this can be very therapeutic & cathartic & I get that, but for me, it would just further highlight my loss.
I can’t explain the sadness I feel at not being able to buy these beautiful cards anymore, it just serves as a metaphor to my ‘new’ life without my mum.
I read a beautiful blog piece this morning about grief & the loss of your mother. It was very well written and spoke about identidy confusion that comes with loss and can easily be transferred to the loss of any loved one.
The lesson behind it was just because you are no longer walking this earth with me, doesn’t mean that you are no longer my mother & I am no longer your daughter.
It brought me back to the reading I did at my mum’s funeral ‘Death Is Nothing At All’ . Here is a paragraph from it.
‘Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still’
I don’t belong to any specific religion but I truly believe that my mother and I will be reunited when my time comes to leave this earth.
In the early days the grief was so intense that I wanted to join my mum a lot earlier than what was intended for me because I missed her so much and the pain I felt went beyond emotional turmoil, I was in physical pain also.
I was lucky, my mum wasn’t just my mum, she was also my best friend.
I was also lucky to have a wonderful husband, family & friends and have been blessed with these 4 beautiful children and it’s my job to be around for them for as long as I possibly can be.
You see, I believe there is no measure of time in heaven so regardless of if I got there in a month or in 40 years, my mum will still be waiting for me with loving open arms.
I know, without a doubt, my mum would want me to have a long and happy life and be the best possible Mum to my darlings.
I digress, back to the article I read this morning, it challenged readers to comment on why your relationship with your loved one still exists after death and I wrote the following:
I am still your daughter because without you I would not exist,
I am still your daughter because I love you with every single beat of my heart,
I am still your daughter because we have a connection & a bond that defies life & death,
I am still your daughter because I love you too much to be anything but,
I will always be your daughter and until we are reunited in death, you will never truly die because I continue your legacy through myself & my children,
You will always be my mother because you gave me life & death cannot change this.
There are so many more points I could have written about why my mother will always be my mother but I didn’t want to overcomplicate it.
I would like to take this opportunity to honor all mothers on Mother’s Day including stepmothers, mother in-laws, foster mothers, carers, grandparents, mothers of fur babies, expectant mothers, the women who desperately want to be mothers but who aren’t yet, the mothers of angels in heaven; I too am one of these mothers.
The beautiful Aunties who step in to take the place of their sister without question, in looking after her (adult) kids & grandkids even though she is suffering with her own grief. I am so very lucky to have one of these Aunties.
If you are lucky enough to have your mum with you on Mother’s Day and share a loving relationship, you don’t need me to tell you to treasure her & spoil her.
To all my readers I send you my heartfelt wishes for a wonderful Mother’s Day. I would love to hear how you all celebrate and pay homage to the mother in your life.